Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Hippo gnu deer
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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