So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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