maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
