If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
