he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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