Screwed.edu
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
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