it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
