Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
