I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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