Me too!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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