let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
