At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
