you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
