In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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