i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
