I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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