I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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