Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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