Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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