It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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