i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
