If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
