You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
