Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
