So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
