i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
