Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
