Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
