Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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