So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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