# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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