I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
