Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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