Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
