This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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