last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
