Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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