At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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