At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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