"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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