I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
