So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
