omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
