I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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