Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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