I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
