The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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