Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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