ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Someone signed my nipple.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
