dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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