dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
