I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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