GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
