like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
