I think I am morally bankrupt
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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