I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
