The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
