Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
