he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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