He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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