fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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