watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
