pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
