My friends, they love my intelligence
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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