just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
