There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
